just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
