I think im going to throw up on grandma
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
