Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
