the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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