spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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