This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
