we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
