Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
