Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
