so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
