she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
