pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
