loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
