as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
