he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize