Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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