you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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