Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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