As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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