Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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