you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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