I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
