I'm pants shitting drunk right now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
