apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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