Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
