I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
