at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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