I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
