i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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