the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
