Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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