you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
