Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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