So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
