I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
