Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
