What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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