just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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