drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
