It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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