he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Less talking, more tequila
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
