Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
