is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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