I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
