now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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