i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
