That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
