So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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