Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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