Screwed.edu
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
