So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
