Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
