I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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