Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
