Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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