Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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