Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Rumble strips road head = magical
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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