if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
