Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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