wakey wakey hands off snakey
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
