The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
