Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
