come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
