my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
