McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it was like eating out sand paper
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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