Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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