He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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