mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Small penises have feelings too.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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