So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize