how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
