dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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