I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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