dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
