So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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